April 6, 2011

Dear Shitty Tippers,

I know I’m not the most superior waitress in all of waitressdom. In fact, I’m probably in the bottom rung. But I have literally one other table right now, so I can afford to wait on you hand and foot and make you feel like the special little snowflakes that you are.

So why is it that when I open the checkbook you so charitably left lying in a dish of soy sauce I find that you’ve tipped me less than ten percent? Really? Really?

I don’t know if you knew this, but most all servers make less than minimum wage, because we rely on tips for our income. In fact, I make about $2.15 an hour, so unless I make good tips, I don’t make good money.

Don’t take this the wrong way - I mean, you could’ve not tipped me at all, but damn. Fifteen percent is the customary and appropriate amount to tip, especially when I am damn sure my service was excellent.

Maybe you just didn’t know. Maybe you’re just cheap assholes. Either way, don’t expect for your drinks to get refilled in a timely fashion the next time you eat here. I HOPE YOU GET PARCHED WHILE EATING YOUR SNOW CRAB ROLL WITH NO AVOCADO AND SOY PAPER INSTEAD OF SEAWEED PAPER YOU PERSNICKETY CUNTS.

Sincerely,

Heinous Bitch

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