Dear Impractically-Dressed Trendy Girl,
It is eighty-seven degrees outside, complete with full sunshine. You are dressed in a clunky sweater, nonexistent shorts, and a headband which sits low on your forehead and plasters your bangs to your skin. (I will forgo mentioning your cowboy boots.) The seasonal mishmash of which your ensemble is comprised makes me want to remove my brain from my head and scratch it in confusion. Why do you feel the need to overcompensate for your severe lack of shorts with a sweater and boots? Why not just wear jeans to complete the prevailing winter aesthetic of your look? I color myself confounded.
Perhaps it is because of your need to distinguish yourself from the more boringly-garbed masses which traverse our fair campus - those same masses which, although admittedly boring, have a nifty habit of dressing to fit the season. Perhaps you are low on laundry; we’ve all been to that point where we’ve left our dorms and apartments wearing something that we would never wear under the most extenuating of circumstances, simply because we have been too lazy/broke to do our laundry. Perhaps you are simply freakishly cold-natured. I can never know.
In any case, your fondness for cold-weather clothing in a decidedly warm climate causes me distress, as it makes me sweat just looking at you. But this isn’t about me. I am much more concerned about you, as your sweater could possibly induce a heat stroke. In short, I impart this advice:
Take off the fucking sweater, and wear a Goddamn t-shirt. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Heinous Bitch
3 years ago • Notes